I have to be honest with you guys. The last few days have not been good. In fact, they have been far from good. Depression has set in and it has set in hard. I don’t really know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling but it’s there and I’m low, indecisive and generally unhappy.
Little things are bothering me like whether I should buy things or whether not to. Part of me thinks I should but the other side just doesn’t care. I’m not sure whethe my lack of enthusiasm for either option highlights the fact that it’s not worth it or that I’m just not coping with things. That’s the thing about depression though. People think you are just sad but it’s much worse. There is a massive feeling of lethargy, like I have a black cloud over my head where every moment I have by myself is something to fear. I don’t even want to go to bed tonight. I don’t want to be by myself. But I also don’t want to be a burden to other people. I know if I said to my parents that I don’t want to be alone that they’d stay with me. It would piss my autistic brother off though as he needs to impose some form of control on the situation and at night time, he thinks we should be in bed and anything but that is explosive. You see, he is non-communicative and so if he can’t get himself across through signalling of some sorts, he gets upset. I don’t blame him. I would too but it can be hard, especially when dealing with my issues. I try my best though which granted is, at times, not all that much. But like I said, I really can’t put a finger on what it is that is exactly bothering me so much. I am just incredibly unhappy at the moment. Life is tough and right now I don’t want to try.
I’m signing off for now. Take care everybody.