I’m really worried about my Mum. She’s an amazing person. Her and my Dad were made for each other. She’s also the greatest Mum in the world and my best friend. There isn’t a person on this planet who has been more supportive with my OCD, anxiety and depression and without her, I’d probably be in a much darker place.
Which is why I’m really concerned about her. No two bones about it, this year has been especially tough on her. Hell, it has been pretty bad for all of us. This year, I lost a very dear Uncle to cancer. He had a long fight with it and some major ups and downs. Then last November, he told us there was nothing they could do. In January he passed away. The two of them were very close. We spoke every day. She pretty much helped bring him up and their birthdays are literally next to each other. Losing my Uncle was just the biggest shock to my family and one that I doubt we will ever truly recover from. She also has to deal with a lot. She’s the engine of the family. And you know, if it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure how much would get done. My brother being autistic can be hard work, especially since he’s non-communicative. And me, well, with my OCD being what it is and my other health issues that I’m having, I have not been easy on her either. I feel pretty guilty about that and hate that I’m adding extra pressure on her. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to snap out of it and I’m always trying new things to help but it’s a tough process.
Anyway, Christmas is on the way and all of us can’t get into the Christmas spirit, my Mum especially. She is very down and it’s so sad to see. She’s usually very excited about Christmas but it’s so understandable. She lost her Mum this time of year and now with memories of my Uncle too, it’s just too much. Yet she struggles on. And she looks unwell. She looks washed out and ends every day tired. She’s also losing weight because she’s not eating much, which worries me too. I want to do more to help her but my OCD gets in the way so much that it frustrates me terribly and I hate seeing her like this. I would love to wake up tomorrow obviously and my OCD to be gone. It would be the best thing in the world for everyone. Being freaked out by contamination is horrible and every day is a struggle. But I need to help my Mum.
Something has to change fast too. I can’t lose her.