So we finally hit the middle of the week. Thank God it’s here. This week has been gruelling at work and I’ve felt like the only rest bite I have had at all is sleep. But I still don’t feel rested.
My anxiety is through the roof at the moment. My autistic brother is limping and he is unable to tell us why because he is non-communicative. It’s really stressful and it worries me. I just hope he heals up with rest and that he doesn’t need any surgical intervention as that would be all kinds of stressful. He’s a pain in the arse at times but he’s my brother and I love him. It’s funny actually because even though he is older than me, I’m more like the older brother. I’m very protective of him. Anyone with an autistic sibling will know what I mean. Unfortunately I was meant to have a therapy session yesterday but I had to cancel because my brother couldn’t sit in the car for over an hour. That sucked because therapy always boosts my mood and gives me hope that I can make progress. Now I have to wait two more weeks. You really feel it when you miss therapy. Plus I feel like I’m starting to fall back into bad compulsion habits and I need some kind of pep talk to avoid losing all the progress I’ve made. I don’t want to go back to 2 hour showers just to get to my bedroom. I’m also washing my slippers every day again. I keep reminding myself that they are warmth and not protection from dirt but I feel like I need them.
I’m also feeling anxious today because the next two days are filled with training and meetings. I literally will have no time to do anything else and big gatherings of people make me very nervous. It’s a social anxiety thing. Anxiety with me leads to more pronounced OCD rituals so it’s really taking it out of me. Right now, I can’t even get out of bed though I know I’ll have to. I constantly feel like I need a holiday right now, from OCD as much as work. If there is a God, please help me out!
Well I probably should get up now so I will bid thee farewell. Enjoy the day if you can.