Let me sleep 

It’s Friday; the weekend’s near;

I should be happy right?

But with another day of work to fear

The end seems out of sight 

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Getting a little flirty with the girl at customer services

So I had a funny experience today. I was calling a certain customer services today to make an enquiry about an issue I was having with a recent purchase and I end up speaking to the girl. And as I’m very much attracted to people’s accents, this girl immediately struck a nerve as she had a really lovely speaking voice. Now I don’t make a habit of getting all flirty with customer services but I couldn’t help myself. She was lovely and I found myself quite drawn to her. And I’ve never even see what she looks like. 

I guess it shows you that there is more to life than just what someone looks like. Hell, this girl made me melt by just saying my name. 

Music and depression 

I don’t know whether you have ever experienced this. But something that I have noticed with me, especially during my darkest days was the way I used music to accompany my depression. And when I say accompany, I don’t mean to soothe or to relax me. I listen to the music almost as if I want to encourage my depression on. It’s like I’m saying “come on! Take me under”. And I don’t quite know why that is.

I have clear recollections of being at my lowest. That deep low that only depression can take you where you want to do anything to stop the pain. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. In fact, what I was doing was more like punishing myself. Picking songs deliberately that struck a chord. Songs that reflected my mood in ways that I could verbalise. Or songs that highlighted how I’m alone, heartbroken, distraught or a failure. I can remember when I was cheated on how I would purposefully play songs that reminded me of her. It hurt. It hurt a lot. It broke me down and I don’t quite not know why I did it. It deliberately caused me pain. Part of me thinks I did it because I thought I deserved the pain. I’m a failure and that I deserve this. So listen to the damn music.

And when I have been really low about other things. The same again. I’ve listened to songs about the futility in trying and giving up when I’ve just wanted to give up. Encouraging myself to push me over the edge. It’s a bizarre, dark road that I sometimes lead myself down.

These days I still hate myself. Nothing much has changed there. And the fact that I can’t find love hurts me dearly. I look at some people who are mean and cruel or other negative things and see them woman after woman and no one even looks at me twice. It’s probably because I’m ugly and fat although no one would dare say that to my face (well, actually one girl did but that’s another story!). But now, I try to avoid that music. Living with my illnesses is more than enough punishment without punishing myself more. Sometimes that means I don’t listen to music for a while. But it’s better this way.

Do any of you ever turn to dark music when you are down?

Douchebag society


So I’ve been looking across the net for some fun things to talk about in my blogs. Since I’m currently writing three, I think it’s probably for the best to look for some inspiration every now and then. If you haven’t seen the others, please do check them out by the way!
Anyway, have any of you guys heard about Corey Feldman’s band and their performance on the Today Show? I just heard about it and I feel really bad for him. The video is below. 

Now, yeah, I know it isn’t the greatest thing in the world. It’s a bit on the alternative side shall we say. But the level of criticism he has been getting and the personal attacks is beyond uncalled for. Maxim even commented on the performance calling it an “unbelievable, batshit-insane shitshow”. 

The level of abuse Corey suffered led him to post the following message on Facebook. 

“We just wanted to tell everybody that, like, it’s been really painful. We put ourselves out there and we did the best that we could. And, like, I’ve never had such mean things said about me. Like constantly.
It was a song, okay? It wasn’t that weird. I’m sorry if it’s not good enough for you, but you don’t have to beat us up. I just want to say that, like, why is it okay to, like, publicly shame us? … I don’t understand … It’s, like, not PC to, like, say somebody is fat or somebody is white or somebody is black or somebody is yellow or green or if they have a short leg or if they have a missing finger. Like we can’t talk about these things. But it’s okay to bash Corey Feldman and the Angels. Public shaming should not be accepted, no matter who you are. It doesn’t matter if they’re a celebrity or not. We deserve love and we deserve, like, normal life … It’s not okay, it’s not acceptable to call us freaks, weirdos, losers, whatever.”

Maxim unsurprisingly found this post to be amusing, you know, like the classy magazine they are. 
For those who are unaware, Corey Feldman is an 80s child star famous for movies like Lost Boys, Gremlins, License to Drive and The Burbs. Despite fame at an early age, Feldman had a rocky life and became addicted to cocaine. His best friend, Corey Haim, died in 2010 and he has in the past spoken of how he and Haim were victims of child molestation in the 1980s. Feldman has also stated that he was raped by a man he has identified only as “Ron”, who worked as an assistant to Feldman’s father. Feldman has also identified “Ron” as having facilitated his initiation into a drug addiction. Feldman also was close to Michael Jackson as a child and whether you do or don’t believe in the child abuse claims, the relationship that Michael had with kids was unorthodox. 

What I’m trying to say is that Corey Feldman probably has one or two scars from his childhood and the media should not be dipping with comments such as that of Maxim. They should be acting responsibly. I don’t know Corey and he might be for all I know a very mentally stable and grounded human being. Then again, he might not be and people wouldn’t be too surprised. In any case, can you imagine being publicly mocked by hundreds of people who are calling you crazy. What if he actually is mentally ill? Will people take responsibility if he does something unfortunate because of the rejection and disappointment? People are really bold and brazen about dishing out punishment on the internet but I bet half of them couldn’t walk in the shoes of the people they abuse.  And I’m not saying that you must like everything but sometimes, if you have nothing nice or valuable to say, it’s probably better you say nothing at all. This group spent hours putting an album together, that’s hours of work. If it’s not to your liking, fine. Just leave the crazy and weird comments out. 

Rhinos and their horns

I just wanted to share with you this post from my other blog.

The Entertainment Patrol (and general musings)


I wanted to talk about something that is close to my heart. I wanted to talk about rhinos and the ridiculous and cruel rhino horn trade.

Let’s be clear about something.

Rhino horns are similar in structure to horses’ hooves, turtle beaks, and cockatoo bills. They are made of keratin – basically the same stuff that’s in your hair and fingernails. Yet, despite their being no empirical evidence to suggest otherwise, certain cultures, such as is in China with traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), it is regarded as something of a magical elixir. But the reality is that it is no better for you than chewing on your fingernails.


There are also those that just find it looks nice on the mantlepiece.

But what are the facts?

There are five species of rhinoceros and, with the exception of one subspecies of African white rhino, all are in danger of being hunted…

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This is why elephants are awesome. 

On planet earth, a lot of humans are quite frankly litterbugs. You’ll see full blown Hollywood movies where you see people tossing stuff into the sea or blowing things up just for special effect. And at times, people can generally just really abuse the planet. Like is it really necessary for someone to toss an empty can of coke out of the window on a motorway or highway rather than wait for their next stop? If you even need to debate this then you are mad. 

Bring in this amazing elephant. Not only is he or she absolutely beautiful and majestic but it is also apparently ecologically more conscious than most humans. Check it out. 

How does soap work?

Wash all your OCD worries away with lovely soap. BUT. HOW does it work?

Washing your hands with soap works like this. First, you need to understand that normally, oil and water don’t mix, so when they are together they separate into two different layers. Soap is pretty cool too. What it does is that it breaks up the oil into smaller drops, which can mix with the water. It works because soap is made up of molecules with two very different ends. One end of soap molecules love water – they are hydrophilic. The other end of soap molecules hate water – they are hydrophobic. Obviously this is figuratively speaking as soap doesn’t have emotions but you know what I mean. 

Hydrophobic ends of soap molecule will all attach to the oil while the opposite hydrophilic ends stick out into the water that we are washing our hands in. This causes oil drops to form.
These drops of oil are suspended in the water so the water that falls off takes the grime with it.  This is how soap cleans your hands – it causes drops of grease and dirt to be pulled off your hands and suspended in water. All you need to do then is to wash them away when by rinsing your hands. 

So if you are like me, and you wash your hands a lot as part of your OCD. Note that soap is our friend and that scrubbing your skin till bleeding likely won’t be any better than just some good old fashioned soap and a rinse. 

Just rinse away (A Signs quote)